The Review

Tell me this isn’t an example of art imitating life: Two-thirds the way through Aliens in the Attic, a mustached Tim Meadows (the town sheriff) is virtually begged by the other characters to stay and join them for dinner. Meadows gives the ol’ “aw shucks, I dunno…” but they eventually win out. He stays.

I feel certain that this exact conversation took place on the set as soon as Meadows arrived. He came by mistake, and the cast persuaded him to stay with promises of angus burgers. Why would Meadows be so hesitant?

Before I tell you, let me back up. Aliens in the Attic is one of those rare movies that really is targeted to pre-pubescent boys, unlike some of the recent box office trainwrecks. Transformers 2, for example, was so over the top, its posters might as well have read “Only Big Kids Get to Look Down Megan Fox’s Shirt!” Aliens in the Attic avoids that kind of nonsense, aiming instead to re-create the fun of Goonies, Gremlins, and Flight of the Navigator. Does it succeed? Almost. But Ashley Tisdale gets in the way. And she won’t move.

Tisdale plays the “older sister with a jerky boyfriend” role. Her little brother and their cousins are all cooped up together on a family vacation that is interrupted by an infestation of short, pasty aliens. The kids soon realize they must band together to keep the aliens from activating a buried Gianting machine in the basement while keeping the grown-ups in the dark about the whole thing, which is easy, since the grown-ups include the perennially harmless Kevin Nealon and Andy Richter.

The unfriendly visitors, however, are not push-overs. They can shoot darts in the neck of grown-up victims and control their movements with Playstation Controllers, as they do with Tisdale’s boy toy. When the kids steal the controller, they quickly master it, first embarrassing the victim, then turning him into their personal Slapstic-Street Fighter. He is Jim Carey in the Matrix. This gag takes up at least 40% of the film, climaxing when Doris Roberts (a.k.a. Raymond and Robert’s mom) also takes a dart and becomes the funny fighting grandma, squaring off in a Battle Royale with the boyfriend. Eleven year old boys will laugh. You will not.

I will spare you the rest of the plot. Suffice it to say the gamers win out, and the grown-ups move blissfully on. Which brings me back to Tim Meadows. Why was he so hesitant to stay on set when, let’s face it, he didn’t really have anything else going on? Because of Tisdale.

Ashley Tisdale IS tween entertainment. In this film, Tisdale brings all her Hannah Montana / Suite Life / solo Pop Album credentials into play, countering her brother’s likeability with a phenomenal display of over-acting. She plays the dramatic, attention hungry mini-diva in the tradition of Hillary Duff and Lindsay Lohan. Which is to say she can infuriate respectable grown ups like Tim Meadows in no time flat.

So don’t be surprised if the tabloids begin talking about a rift between Meadows and buddy Kevin Nealon, who undoubtedly talked him into taking this completely unnecessary role (The sherriff adds NOTHING to the plot). And don’t be surprised if you begin to feel a vague resentment toward teenage girls in general. If you have a daughter, you need to be wary of irritational transference. You know your daughter isn’t a prima donna, and I know that. But Tisdale wants her to be. Don’t let it happen.

The Kids

This film is tailor made for video-gaming boys ages 9-13. They will undoubtedly love it. Tisdale will be enough to pique girls’ interest as well. Younger kids might find it a bit scary.

The Verdict: Mostly Harmless

I would have been tempted to like this harmless little film out of sheer nostalgia for films like Flight of the Navigator. But Tisdale and her boyfriend ruined any chance of that. Their whole break-up, get-back-together, break-up, get-back-together, break-up-once-and-for-all-because-she-finally-realizes-he’s-a-jerk routine is a tired cliche that needs to die.