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The Review
BOLT is one of those kid’s movies that gets parents (or dads, at least) a little excited. We say things like, “Oh… The, uh… the kids would probably enjoy that, don’t you think?”
The first ten minutes of BOLT lives up to all such suppressed expectations. It is an explosive buffet of doggy action; a cross breed between The Matrix Reloaded and Milo & Otis. Helicopters were falling, bombs were going off, and bad guys in pajamas were trying to kidnap Hannah
Montanah. And they would have, except for BOLT the indestructible Superdog, with Super Speed, and a Super Bark! While I was cheering out loud for our hero, I think the phrase “I need a new best friend” might have escaped my lips.
And then the director yelled cut, and the magic ended. BOLT and the girl retire into a silver trailer on the set of BOLT’s TV show. BOLT thought it was real, but all the bad guy actors got up from the rubble to punch their time cards.
As soon as I understood that BOLT isn’t a real superhero but just thinks he’s a superhero, my heart dropped down into my kneecap, and my emotional defenses shattered. My wife had to pause the film while I plastered my sofa with tears and snot. I wanted to believe in you, Peter Pan.
A familiar plotline…
Once I composed myself, I continued to watch a different movie about a non-hero dog who must come to terms with his own ordinariness (No word on Buzz Lightyear’s lawsuit against Disney, in case you were wondering). Along the way, he learns a very boring lesson about how real heros live boring lives. There was a cat and a hamster, I think, and… some other characters with no super powers whatsoever! I kept on hoping he would discover that he, in fact, did have at least one mutant gift, like the flying pup at the end of Strange Brew. But no. Nothing.
And in the end, this is probably a good lesson for our kids. I guess. Most kids don’t have superpowers, and real greatness is found in being who you are, yada, yada, yada… My problem is this: we give them that message all the time. Is that ultimately a good thing to constantly reinforce? What about encouraging kids to be great? In the word of Mr. Incredible, “Why do we keep finding new ways to celebrate mediocrity?”
The lesson and the movie certainly have their merits. Travolta is a pretty good lead, and Miley Cyrus warmed her father’s achy heart, I’m sure. And yeah, there were some funny parts with the cat and the hamster. It’s really not a bad movie, to be honest. Maybe if I had been clued in on the front end, I could have accepted the film more readily. So my advice to you is this: Lower your expectations. You might really enjoy it.
The Kids
What, are you kidding me? It’s a movie about a lost dog who thinks he’s superman! Throw in the cat and the hamster, and bam! Free babysitting for 90 minutes. Can’t beat that. Be aware, however, that the first 10 minutes are pretty violent.
The Verdict: Almost Pleasant
Amazon.com Widgets
“Horses Fix Families”? Really?
Nice catch Jennycat. The 3 word synopsis of BOLT should read “NO SUPER POWERS!” We’ll fix it.
The animation style was different that others I’ve seen. Wasn’t it sort of cartoon textures and colors on rendered objects? I wondered if the whole film wasn’t a test for the style, or if it is what you’d call low budget (strictly compared to animations the likes of Toy Story 2, Wall-E, etc.)
Yeah, we enjoyed it. Browsing the Netflix queue for something to ease the pains of a long day, we found Bolt. I agree that ‘no expectations’ is the best way to offer up your time to any movie. Though seemingly uninterested at the notion of not jumping on the couches or racing her bicycle from one end of the house to the other, my daughter was visibly captivated within 112 seconds of the first frame. She actual punched my arm and said “Dad! Check this out! This dog is Awesome!” (She’s three going on four.) On that note, I settled into my ‘yeah I’m paying attention but also groping for a nap position’ on the couch. I didn’t last though, as I found my self quite enthralled with ninja hamster. By the time the final credits rolled, we all had a tiny sniffles as we began to fight each other for petting rights to our own superdog we call Buck. Good fun.