The Review

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen… I feel like a mosquito in a nudist colony reviewing this lackluster title: Where do I start? Bad acting, horrendous soundtrack, lack of morals, and Lindsey Lohan. If you enjoy movies that portray children as adults, parents as imbeciles, liars as heroes, and Lindsey Lohan’s vocal prowess, this is the movie for you.

In this coming of age comedy Lola (Lohan) moves from new York city to a suburban town in New Jersey. Lola’s self absorbed fantasies come to life as she steals, lies and cheats her way to get what she wants; viz., a chance to meet a depraved rock star and to become a star herself. Lola befriends a loser, Ella, who she manipulates throughout the film and she also meets Sam who, enamored by Lola’s boobs (…what parent would let their fifteen year old dress like that?!), will be her accomplice in achieving her delusions of grandeur. Lola defeats her rival, Carla, at Dance Dance Revolution at the local arcade and garners respect from other classmates. The rest of the plot is so predictable and stupid that I’d rather not continue regurgitating it.

Parents will cringe at the lack of consequences that befalls the deranged drama queen and the bad parenting displayed by both of Lola’s parents. Lola does receive some minor punishments for her terrible behavior but these are minor setbacks in acheiving independence and her dreams. But aside from the clear lack of morals portrayed in this “fun-filled family adventure” what stands out most annoying is the musical score. Lindsey Lohan’s acapella rendition of her own song “don’t move on” that lands Lola a lead role in the school play, has a sound and pitch akin to a dentist drill. Unlike a trip to the dentist there is no novacaine to numb the effects of this ninety minute “comedy” and the far reaching effects it might have on impressionable minds. Even a tank of nitrous oxide couldn’t make this movie funny, and I highly recommend staying far, far away from this Disney flop.

The kids

Lindsey Lohan is not a good actress, nor a good singer, nor a particularly good person. Luckily for her ” Lola” is tailor made to fit her Hollywood personality. The only thing missing is the drug use. Lohan is in no way qualified to be a role model. Keep your impressionable daughters away from this movie.

The Verdict: Cringe-Worthy

How Annoying is it? Not only is this movie morally repugnant, it contains one of the most annoying musical scores (I am being generous here folks) I have ever heard. Avoid this dysfunctional family film.