The Review

It has been said that in literature, there are really only two plots to choose from: Either there will be a great journey, or a stranger will come to town. Whether this is true or merely sounds too profound to challenge is unclear to me. However, in children’s movies, which generally fall short of literature, I have discovered exactly four possible plotlines:

1) A boy loses his dog
2) A child interferes with his single-parent’s love life
3) Loser kids find out they are winers after all
4) A Mexican girl is mugged by a bandit fox on the way to Chocolate Mountain.

Incredibly, Air Bud: Golden Receiver catches 3 of these 4 story lines in one slobbery chomp.

Air Bud is, of course, the father of the Buddies puppies. This is one strike against him. Bud’s children are spoiled, obnoxious brats who were born with silver bones in their mouths. But their movie careers took off after this film, which features their young father in all his silent, athletic glory. Air Bud has no speaking lines, which is a huge plus for anyone who saw Santa Buddies. Rather, the star goes about his role as the lovable companion with a professionalism that speaks for itself.

But this isn’t just a dog movie. It’s also a kids sports flick. Air Bud already rocked the hardwood, and in this film he tackles the gridiron, too. It happens when his boy Josh discovers that if he deflates the football to half it’s PSI and applies a generous layer of Aunt Jamima syrup, his dog can catch anything. The tandem quickly tries out for the school football team, where the players ooh and ahh over Air Bud’s intangibles: His leadership. His focus. Unparalleled.

Against this double-theme of animal fur and tackling dummies, we learn that Josh’s widowed mother wants to begin dating again, and he doesn’t like the new guy. But rather than fixing the problem early by having his dog defecate in the man’s shoes like the rest of us would have done, Josh offers only tepid sabotage, and then gives up and runs away to the train station. Of course, he won’t go through with it, but his absence leaves just enough time for his prized best friend to get stolen.

Pets. Sports. Remarriage. One film; three plots. It could only end with a three-headed climax:

1) The dog returns home to his boy triumphantly.
2) The loser football team beats the league champions with last second heroism.
3) The boy opens up his heart to include his mom’s new beau.

The mixing of formulas in this movie got my own creative juices flowing. What other concoctions could we whip up by mixing predictable formulas?

Die Heart: A European crime boss (Collin Ferril) holds New York City hostage until he meets the beautiful FBI negotiator (Sandra Bullock) who helps him discover his true self.

Chuck the Halls: A demon-possessed doll (Rob Schneider) reminds a group of corporate fat cats about the true meaning of Christmas.

Ted & Breakfast: When a small town lodge hosts a weekend-long party for a group of wild teenagers, only the lodge owner’s son Teddy, a talking baby voiced by Dwayne Johnson, can keep them in line.

The Kids

My girls enjoyed this film, but they were disappointed that… (wait for it)…. the dog couldn’t talk! I guess you can’t please everybody. Air Bud isn’t scary or disturbing, and most kids of all ages will enjoy it. Because it has a dog, see.

The Verdict: Mostly Harmless

Air Bud: Golden Receiver is not fantastic. However, it is about one-tenth as annoying as Space or Santa Buddies. The cheese flows freely in this film, but it is not particularly grating. Or grated. You catch me, right? The fact that this dog doesn’t have a prefab human personality like his children is a gift to the viewer. By far the most annoying bits in this film come with the villains who want to kidnap Air Bud for their circus show. Like the actors in the eventual sequel “Space Buddies,” these two sport outrageous Russian accents that might inspire you to skip forward some. Don’t feel bad if you need to do that. Thankfully, the rest is just harmless. Mostly.